Touching Base

Originally posted on my Friendster blog on 24 February 2007, after a long silence, which this post tries to account for. Hehe.

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this blog looks so sad. from the tone of my previous post, you would perhaps think that the reason i haven't checked in is that i've been busy with school stuff. i'd really like to say that, yes, i've been really busy reading, uhm, the theory of structuration or the sociolinguistics of globalization or the structure vs agency debate or the glocalization of English or some other big-sounding category of knowledge, but, uhm, no, not really. i haven't really done any of that. i've been trying though. i've been trying really hard. (and don't you think props should be given to me for that, and the fact that i've got my big jargon words down pat? hee.)

so what have i been doing all this time? well, christmas came, and it was sheer craziness. with all the parties, the shopping and gift-giving, the constant moving around, and my general state of lethargy, there wasn't any time to think, much less write. the early part of january was hectic, too, because, well, it was time to clean up the mess of the holiday season--and eat all the leftovers. then, it was my birthday. you know how birthdays are, right? they usually last more than one day. so mine, it took a while, too. it was all good though, because it's always nice to be reminded that you're loved, and that you've been blessed, and that you have so much to be thankful for.

what's hard to account for is the time after that. i did meet up with my supervisor, and we talked about organizing my life. so i did that for about a month. in the best way i could. i made about a hundred more folders on my iBook, colorcoded them, shuffled my files, and assigned more specific labels to each one. i tried at first to come up with witty titles for my folders, e.g., The Rather Tentative but Definitely Important Topic of Meta-Talk in a Globalizing World, but i soon realized i couldn't possibly do that for each of the hundred folders that i just created (and really, i was doing it to avoid categorizing my files), so i ended up with rather boring, basic kinds of titles, e.g., Globalization&Theories of Communication. (oh, alright, it's not exactly a hundred folders, but it's close. i'm telling you it's close. please believe me.)

why it took a month, when i haven't even touched my gazillion photocopies (yes, photocopies. i tell you, when i return back home, i'll have a library full of photocopies. and mind you, i myself was the one who photocopied them all. i often tell my friends that if i didn't finish this freakin degree, i could always apply at the SC for a photocopying job. hee!), i'm not really sure. perhaps, because on the side, i was also organizing my photo and music library and spending more time doing that. i mean, in this case, i really had to come up with inventive labels for my photos. i just couldn't say 'vacation' or 'christmas' like it was just that, right? the labels had to be funny, quirky, witty. as for my music, i had to redo my playlists, because the previous ones didn't apply anymore, and then come up with, you guessed it right, new labels. you could imagine the time it took.

or maybe, it was because i was on youtube practically all the time, getting the latest episodes of 'maging sino ka man' and scenes from previous episodes i didn't get to see (celine's 'i'm the best slut in town' scene totally rocked, i thought) or tegan and sara videos or american idol auditions i missed or harry potter&the order of the phoenix previews or MADtv spoofs or full-length movies of this and that or something this and that. there was just always something for me to view on youtube. youtube, as you probably know by now, is my happy place, so i stay there as much as i can.

or perhaps, it was because on top of everything else, i was also trying to catch up with all the recaps and forum discussions and blog posts (definitely not mine!) i missed over the break. just as i was getting on the latest pages of my regular online destinations and beginning to think i could finally start with organizing my gazillion photocopies, a friend texted me to say that the final harry potter book was due to come out on 21 feb, er, july (love you, kla!). right after that, i was googling all HP7-related news, which then led me to two HP sites that got me into reading essays upon essays on who R.A.B. really was, whether or not snape was really dumbledore's man, and which characters would die. and finally, a little after the HP7 excitement/anticipation had subsided, THIS, which took a really huge chunk of that one month.

i don't really think these online activities would do me good in the real world, but still: i know all about the latest american idol gossip, britney's bald head and in-and-out of rehab dance, the latest scientology recruits, and the possibility that george clooney had his eyes done. more, i think i have a better insight now on snape's character, the pendant lying around at number 12 grimmauld place, and the significance of harry having his mother's eyes. i also realized that no matter how upset i've been about dumbledore's death, even shedding a few tears, there are at least ten people more upset about it than me, so i should just pull myself together and get on with my life. and, best of all, and this may not make sense at all, but: "when you smile? i die a little."

sometimes, i wonder what the real world is there for. but it is there. and i'm part of it. at least, that's the general idea. so for the real world then, well, my favorite reality shows are back, so, yay! kidding aside, i managed to do some 'real' work, i suppose. i updated my bibliography, added a few more essays to my photocopy collection, wrote some kind of academic life plan for this year, read at least half of an essay every day, read a novel, cleaned my room, and fixed my desk. i did some shopping for the chinese new year celebrations and learned to cook two new dishes. i also went out, met up with some friends, and had a couple or so drinks.

over all, i think i’m doing things okay. i just get this nagging feeling all the time that i'm not doing enough reading. it’s also killing me that this organizing thing is lifelong work. it has to be done forever. you have to understand that structure does not come naturally to me. it has to be imposed all the time. more accurately, i have to impose it on myself all the time. oh, well, let’s see how it all plays out in the coming months. in the meantime, there’s much to do online.