Remembering

Originally posted on my Friendster blog on 19 November 2006 as a tribute to one of the smartest, sweetest, strongest women I've known in my life. You are missed, Ma'am Ebang.

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i learned a few days ago that one of my most favorite people at the fc and in the world has passed away. a friend who had been to the fc called and told me about it. it was such a sad moment when i found out, but, even as my eyes watered, i also knew everything was alright. it was her time to go, so she went. she was that kind of person.

i was never in any of her classes, so i didn't really know how she was like as a teacher. all i knew about her when i was a student was that 1) she taught very early in the morning, 7-8.30 and 8.30-10 american literature courses; 2) she was a very good teacher; and 3) she was tough and strict and unforgiving. her hair which was in a perennial bun and her no-nonsense demeanor further reinforced this perception. i guess it wouldn't be a surprise if i say i was terrified of her.

my first real interaction with her was when i applied to the decl for a teaching position. she was part of the 9-member panel that interviewed me for the job. i remember i was already nervous and afraid before i got sent into the 'inner sanctum' (this was how we called the chair's office and adjoining conference room inside the decl office). when i saw her in the panel, i became even more nervous, even more afraid, if that was at all possible.

looking back now, however, i think she was perhaps the kindest member of that panel. she asked me what the last book i read was and whether i liked it or not. i don't really remember what i said, but i remember she was smiling at me when she asked that question and was nodding her head as i responded. i remember this quite clearly, because it struck me as weird that she was being so nice. in fact, i even thought that, maybe, it was a trick question. i realize now that, in that interview, she was being the person that she was, not the person i thought she was like.

i mean, undoubtedly, she was one hell of a good teacher. she was also obviously tough and strict and unforgiving as a teacher, especially to particular kinds of students. but i also found out that she was one of the kindest, sweetest women one could possibly get to know. she was also sensible and strong and fiercely independent. she had an awesome sense of humor and fantastic timing. she loved to laugh, and she did with so much joy.

i remember when i saw her in july. she said she was glad that i always visited whenever i was home. then she said she was glad to see me, because she was afraid that, the next time i visited, she wouldn't be around anymore. i told her that, of course, she would always be around, and we would definitely see each other again when i returned in december. it makes me sad knowing that i'm not going to see her when i return home, but i also know that all's well. she was ready to go, so she did. she was that kind of person.

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i couldn't go to the memorial, so i wrote this. thank you, ma'am ebang, for everything. you'll be missed!